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When it comes to how we feel about our bodies, we’re always on a journey. But how can we make that journey easier for the next generation?
Each generation experiences different pressures on self-image - external influences that form the way we feel about our bodies. And yet, everyone who in their Body Story has talked about feeling body confident attributes that confidence to their mothers giving them a resilience against those external pressures.
So, it’s clear that we can influence our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews when it comes to body confidence. But how?
“Poor body image is an urgent public health crisis, but it’s one that often gets under-reported,” says Molly Forbes, founder of The Body Happy Org. “The research tells us that kids can display anti-fat bias as young as three years old, that one in five girls aren’t raising their hand in class due to fear of judgement over how they look, that nearly a quarter of boys are regularly skipping PE due to body image concerns and that more than one in four children in the UK are on diets.”
It’s a grim picture. As children of the 20th century, we know the pressure we felt to be thin from images of stick thin models, size-0 and heroin-chic models. But 21st century children also have social media and increasingly sophisticated A1 to contend with.
For generation Z, body image isn’t just about appearance. Wellness culture and fitness trends dictate how health looks and behaves. The irony is that all this pressure to be healthy is wrecking young peoples’ health.
“Record numbers of children are seeking NHS support for eating disorders, and the WHO reported on a study finding kids in higher weight bodies are 68% more likely to be bullied than their smaller peers,” says Molly. “Weight stigma, anti-fat bias and appearance ideals are all inextricably linked and it’s making kids sick – and it’s just getting worse.”
The picture is scary for anyone who looks after children and teens. But there are so many protective factors that we can put into place to help our young people. For a start, we can look at how we exhibit body confidence. Secondly, we can have those important conversations.
“As adults who are around children, there is so much we can do to help support them – and at the very least not perpetuate the problem – and it all starts with having conversations, with ourselves, each other, and our kids,” explains Molly.
So, what do those conversations look like?
For Abigail, those negative influences and thoughts during her teens were cancelled out by her mother’s positivity. This didn’t just help her feel beautiful, it also helped balance out that all important teenage worry – being different from other people.
“My mum was so good at instilling self-appreciation as well as pointing out other women's beauty. So, even though I was becoming more self-conscious, she was very good at ensuring that I wasn't manipulated by the media and the images I saw,” says Abigail in her Body Story. “My mum would show me positive representations of Black women that were generally absent from mainstream media. Looking back, I am so glad she did that because it can be challenging when you're sold certain images; you think, well, where do I fit in with all of that? I'm not that; does that mean that I'm not beautiful? None of that occurred to me because my mum was so powerful in saying, you’re beautiful; you're stunning just the way you are.”
In her Body Story, Ellie describes her parents’ celebration of her individuality as a gift that protected her against negative self-image.
“My mother always told me that she thought I was beautiful. She was really clear that I was beautiful to her and my dad, and I believe she said the same things to my sister so that there was no comparison,” she says. “I think that was a really wonderful gift because it meant that I wasn't compared with anyone. So, I didn't have that idea that I was labelled – it wasn't just that she said I was beautiful, she also said that I was clever and I could do anything and I had choices – it was this gift of positivity and confidence that she gave me.”
You might already tell your children or grandchildren that they’re beautiful and special to you. But how do you talk about yourself and others?
“We need to recognise that some of the messages kids are getting on social media around bodies are actually being reinforced at the dinner table or in the school canteen, and then do our best to remove these messages,” says Molly. “This could mean not commenting on what other people are eating, not using morally loaded language around food, and finding other ways to compliment people that aren’t solely focused on the way they look.”
That might mean not talking about your weight or diet in front of children. Or it could mean dropping food descriptors like good, bad, naughty, healthy or unhealthy. It could also mean telling others that they look healthy, their hair looks lovely, their skin is glowing, you like their outfit instead of complimenting them on losing weight.
It’s a great idea to have conversations with other adults, too. Talk to them about why you qualify food as good or bad, why you feel pressure to eat everything on your plate and why you talk freely about wanting to lose weight or hating your wobbly bits.
“There’s a misconception that we need to have Lizzo levels of body confidence in order to raise body confident kids – and that’s simply not possible for many people,” says Molly. “But just removing the body talk from day-to-day conversation can have a really positive impact on the way people around us think and feel about their own bodies, including kids.”
As well as talking about body image, encouraging your children to move and play is a great way to support their body confidence. For a start, when you’re climbing a tree or jumping waves, you’re probably not thinking about your body image. But playing also helps you appreciate your body’s strength, agility and flexibility. It releases happy hormones, too.
Allow your children to much about, look scruffy, get dirty and explore the world physically. Even better, join them.
“I've never had any pressure to look or behave a certain way. That meant I had the comfort of coming home,” says Mickey in her Body Story. “My mum is the strongest human being I know and she has never cared how she looks in that she would allow me to take loads of pictures with her and would never say, don't post that, I look horrible. She'd just want to celebrate and document the fact that we have a close relationship.”
Mickey went on to set up an amazing organisation called Girls to the Front that encourages teenage girls to play using gym equipment. She shares her experience of using physical activity to learn about herself and build confidence.
“I've always sought out some sort of physical activity. When I was much younger, I used to do a lot of risky play. Again, I'll go back to my family. Like, I'm so grateful that I had so few barriers,” she says. “My mum used to be outside all the time, which meant that I had the privilege of being able to make dens, climb trees, fall out of trees, get stuck up trees, need rescuing and come home absolutely filthy.”
So, even if you’re not body positive, body happy or even body confident, there’s so much you can do to help change that story for the next generation.
Change starts here.
Molly Forbes’ book Body Happy Kids: How to Help Children and Teens Love the Skin They’re Inis available to buy now.
For children aged nine or over, we recommend Molly’s latest book Every Body; Celebrate, Respect and Accept ALL Bodies - Especially Your Own
