Body Stories: We bonded over swimming

“I never expected to meet my best friend in my fifties,” says Wendy. “I wasn’t looking for a best friend, but we speak to each other every single day.”

Wendy met Kim when they both went along to the same outdoor swimming group. They were both looking to get active and try a new hobby, little did they know that they’d become so close.

Their story is beautiful, but it isn’t unique. The social element of swimming is one of its most valued benefits. Because it’s such an inclusive, bonding activity, swimming helps build trust, self-esteem, belonging and camaraderie among all kinds of people from strangers to families and couples.

Breaking the ice

The social and inclusive elements of swimming are the basis of many organised groups. From Aquafit classes at your local pool to wild swimming groups, doing a fun activity with other people is the ultimate ice-breaker – metaphorically and, in the case of winter swimming groups, sometimes literally.

Mental Health Swims, for example, exists because Rachel Ashe found swimming in cold water beneficial and wanted to share that with other people who, like her, had mental health issues.

“I was like, we could have an outdoor swimming group,” Rachel told us in her Body Story. “I think there are lots of people out there who find it hard to join in, which is the purpose of Mental Health Swims. It’s about asking, how do we make it easier to join in? We give reassurance to people that our hosts have done some training, and they get it; they're going to talk to you in a way where they're not going to accidentally stigmatise you.”

Creating an inclusive, welcoming space not only allows anyone and everyone to join, but it also fosters an environment for friendships to blossom.

Making connections

Through a water-based activity, you lean on others for moral and practical support. This might be doing up your wetsuit, pouring you a hot cuppa after your cold swim or lending you a coin for your locker. Or, it could be lending an ear or sharing a laugh.

“It's such a peaceful, private moment where you can have a conversation in the sea, and it just seems so different to anything that you have on land. You can talk about things that are bothering you. And because you're in the sea and you're in that moment, it doesn't seem as big,” says Kerry, who bonded with her best friend Mickey through outdoor swimming. “It's also the funny moments that I think of the most, where you have that banter. It just feels like such a gorgeous connection.”

Far from being temporary, the bonds we build through being active together run deep. The squeals of joy as we jump waves together, the synchronised rhythm of breaststroke and the conversation over the water’s surface gives rise to an unbreakable support system. In the water, women not only find exercise, fun and conversation, but also lifelong friendships.

“With my friend Kerry, I can’t pinpoint the moment it happened, but I just became like her fourth kid. I ended up being part of her family,” says Mickey. “I feel like you have this relationship that is much deeper than being friends because the sea can be super scary and dangerous. I'm not a strong swimmer and this discomfort I'm seeking is because I need to prove to myself that I'm capable, and because Kerry knows that, I feel that she's always looking out for me.”

Stronger together

These extraordinary friends that we find in the water are so much more than mates. They’re allies against whatever challenges we’re facing, big or small. They’re our cheerleaders. They’re our confidants. And, while we get feel-good hormones from exercise or being in nature, they also help us feel happier, better and stronger.

“I think you really hear the camaraderie through people cheering each other on and laughing. I've even noticed it in myself, being able to laugh,” says Tirion, who surfs in The Gower with her sisters in the familial and friendship sense. “I think the thing that has been really nice is this idea of sisterhood and how it transcends blood relations.”

The water is not only a place to meet the most special, important people in your life, but also to help sustain those friendships. Back to Rachel:

“I met Cory in the sea,” she says about her partner. “I read this article a while ago by called The Third Thing by Donald Hall. It says that in a relationship, there has to be a third thing. Like, it's not good for us to just gaze at one another. You have your friends, they have their friends and you have your shared friends, but then you have your shared thing that you gaze upon together. I read that, and I was like, yes, that's exactly it. For us, it's the sea. The sea is the thing that we gaze upon together, that we appreciate together.”

Whether you swim with old friends or you’ve forged new bonds over the waves or at your local leisure centre, the water remains a vital element in female friendships. It’s inclusive and bonding, helping to build trust, self-esteem, belonging and camaraderie among us all.

Find a swim group:

Beat loneliness by joining a local group. For outdooror wild swimming, we recommend Mental Health Swims or Bluetits Chill Swimmers. You can also find local groups on Facebook.

For surfing, try Women and Waves Society (Cornwall, Devon & South Wales), The Wave (artificial surf break in Bristol), Women Who Surf on Facebook.

For indoor activities, look for Aquafit, Octopush, Water Polo, mermaid or fin clubs or freediving clubs near you.